Nicole (novembersguest) wrote,

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Panicking? Just a Little Bit.

So, a very lovely person PMed me today from to give me some encouragement to get back to fanfiction writing and finish WCA. I responded and explained my plans to finish it next month during NaNoWriMo so that it would be fully finished and ready for correcting and posting. As I was answering her, I decided to update my profile info to reflect that information for anyone who might check.

Suddenly, while I was posting the update, a great fear took hold of me and now I'm kinda scared witless. I feel like a very large, very hot spotlight just landed right on me--mixed with the fear that I'm jinxing myself. What if I don't finish it? What if something in real life pops up and I just run out of time--or have NO time? I need that deadline as a motivating factor and, if I run over the deadline, then it won't be motivating anymore? What if I get sick and don't get much done? What if everything goes just as it should and I just don't have the words? What if I blow it or royally mess it up? What if the world explodes and everyone burns violent and bloody!!!!

I'm kinda petrified, in fact. I just can't fail at this. I need to finish it next month. But I can't control everything and I can't control myself, even. I'm almost too scared to try--but then, that would be failure right off the bat. I feel like I could actually get a little panicky over this. I know that sounds nuts, but something inside me says I MUST finish it--that it will never get finished if I don't. There's no guarantees, no certainty here.

Maybe I should've kept it secret--even from myself. I don't want to know this--I definitely don't want to disappoint myself or anyone else over this. I can't even....*headdesk*
Tags: moods & emotions, what comes after, writing
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