Nicole (novembersguest) wrote,

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I'm Coming "Out"

You know, I never really realized how much condescension people in the general community held for people like me. But, here in the last months or so, I've been reading various things that has brought it to a stunning new level of clarity. I've always known I was "different" since I was a teenager--hard to ignore at that point, I'm afraid. I realize I've been left out of a lot of opportunities because of what I am, but I sincerely don't care because I am proud of this part of myself. It may be the ONLY part of myself I'm proud of, 'cause those of you who know me know I generally hate everything about myself: looks, lack of talent, personality, smarts--doesn't really matter what it is, I just have no love of self. Which is weird considering what I really am.

So, are you ready to hear it? Are you ready know my deep dark secret? I've decided it is time to come "out." Some people might de-friend me, people may shun me, stop reading my stories, stop respecting my opinion--but I don't care. I am who I am, take me or leave me.  I must confess that I am a right-wing, very conservative Freewill Baptist who loves God, loves Jesus and is a proud believer in the Bible. Yep, that's right, you heard me. Yes, I vote Republican and will do so again and again (well, okay, that is partly due to the fact that I don't see any serious Independent contenders). No, I don't cuss/curse--okay, that's not really true. I do say piss, damn, shit, and hell with more regularity than I'd like to admit. No, I don't drink alcohol of any kind despite being married to an alcoholic who falls off the wagon on a monthly or more basis. I like guns, I teach abstinence to my kids and I don't work on Sundays. I am a freak--a Jesus freak. I believe He died on the cross for my sins and I believe in actual angels and Heaven as well as demons and Hell. I believe in God the Father, Jesus the Son and the Holy Spirit--I was Baptized as a teen. Went down to a little country creek and got dipped under by my farmer (as in he's a farmer) pastor. Pastor Lee, who is the most kind, most generous person I know. I love my church and my pastor, though I agree I don't go to church with any regularity these last several years. And yes, it does create a ton of guilt within me.

If any of this offends you, tough. If it makes you not want to know me, I guess that's the difference between you and me. Just know that I have friended a lot of people knowing that they were living on the opposite end of my beliefs and it bothers me not one bit to call them friends. I'm not nearly as biased as that. I don't hold the disparity between what I believe and what you believe against you. Being a FREEwill Baptist, I believe all people have the right to choose what they believe and what they do and its, frankly, none of my business.

But you know what else? I don't see that working the opposite way very often (in my experience with the world at large--not counting my fandom friends) and I think its sad. Just really, really sad that so called free-thinking people really are just as biased and even bigoted as the ones they so often point fingers at. Now I realize that tons of people have had bad experiences with "right-wing, religious people" but that can be said about ANY group of people. People are just people and labels don't change that.

So there you go. Now I must take my prudish, crazy Christian self and mosey on over to my parents house, as I do every Sunday, for an old-fashioned family dinner with all my sibs and their kids. Have a great day, flist!


I just had to come back in, considering the response here and make some edits because I DO have some great fandom friends who make me so proud to know. Given some of my experience in real life, things I see in the news and on the 'net, I'd never have thought I'd find such a group of people that could be so supportive and tolerant of each other all in one spot.

*hugs flist* Where have you people been all of my life?
Tags: real life, wank
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